BISS Lesson #1

Now, of the people I know that read this, I know that your not currently anywhere close to even trying to have kids. But for future references, I want you to take this very seriously because I refuse to be aunty to dumbass children.

So, here is Because I Say So Lesson #1: (I will have to come up with a witty name later)

Let me recount for you what happens when you don't teach your children, nieces/nephews, grand children, whatever, how to use their brains, use logic and common sense, how to be independent, seek out their own solutions and make their own discoveries and sometimes even if you overprotect them and don't let them learn from some of their own mistakes (within reason).

Your three year old will cry about everything! She forgets she put her dolly under her blanket and she will start crying uncontrollably to the point she can't breath properly because she lost it and can't find it and you will not understand what she wants for a good 2 minutes. When you figure out what she wants and show her its where she put it she will stop. All she had to do was pick up her blanket....but she's too lazy and spoiled to do it herself and instead will cry like she just got kicked in the face. She will cry about everything from her empty lunch box is too heavy to put in her cubby to she dropped her pillow by her feet to one piece of lettuce has a drop of dressing on it. Everything is the fucking end of the world. And no matter how many times her teacher tells her that there is no reason to cry like that because she is not hurt...it will still happen again 5 minutes later with something else. FYI this is NOT normal behavior for a 3 year old. They normally will yank things from you because they insist on doing it themselves, because they like it their way.

Your 13 year old will believe anything someone tells her. Examples:

Easter:

Sister #3: ooo what's that in the oven, it looks good.

Mom: What does it look like?

Sister #3: It looks like a dinosaur chicken leg.

Mom: hahaha yep thats exactly what is.

Sister #3: Really? I've never had dinosaur chicken leg before!

Me: What's going on here? Oooo that looks good!

Mom: Right? isn't dinosaur chicken leg good?

Me: (confused at first but catching on) hahaha yep I love dinosaur chicken leg, that's why I love Easter.

Sister #3: So we can only eat it on Easter? Cool! So now I can tell all my friends I've had dinosaur chicken leg.

Mom: Yep, tell ALLLLLLL your friends.

Sister #1: huh?

Me: We're having dinosaur chicken leg for lunch.

Sister #1: (catching on) Awesome!

Sister #2 to sister #3: What are you stupid?! Dinosaur chicken legs don't exist!

Sister #3: They don't? Then what is that?

Mom: It's leg of lamb. Have you ever heard of a dinosaur chicken leg before?

Sister #3: Well, how am I supposed to know!?!?

O and she still die-hardedly believes the easter bunny, Santa, and tooth fairy exist. She one time forgot her sister was her sister.

Today in the car:

Sister #3: When's your birthday?

Mom: August 32nd

Sister #3: Ooo. OK! Now I know everyone's birthday.

Brother: (laughing)

Sister #3: Why is he laughing?

Mom: When's my birthday?

Sister #3: August 32nd.

Mom: And how many days are in August?

Sister #3: 32.

Brother: (laughs some more)

Mom: Ok, when is New Year's?

Sister #3: January 1st.

Mom: So, when is New Year's Eve?

Sister #3: December 26th.

Mom: When we get home your going to study a calendar and tell me how many days there are in each month.

The worst part of this is we make fun of my sister's stupidity A LOT! We can't even tell anymore when she is legit dumb or when she's just acting like it to try to be funny, especially since she laughs when we laugh at things she says and then she asks "what?! :)". But today my mom came to the conclusion that the girl legitimately doesn't know some things. Granted my sisters are my step sisters. So they were not raised in my family and joined it 5 years ago. So her conditioned behavior is all thanks to her mother and everyone else in that family. When my mom asked her why she didn't know this information all these years she says no one told her and she never paid attention. Ever since they joined my family, it was like having to teach her everything as if she was an infant. As a 7 year old, she thought eating spaghetti with her hands and getting sauce all over her face, up her nose, in her hair was cute and proper behavior for her age. My preschoolers have more etiquette than she did (and sometimes still does)!! Everyday is something new and its just baffling to us.

Anyway, this is what happens when you make a child's life easy because its easier for you and you just end up enabling their lazy behavior. Folks, read to your children as often as possible. They will learn to enjoy it and it will become a norm for them as they get older and therefore will become wiser. Encourage them to learn things for themselves and help them make discoveries. Explain how what they just learned relates to something else they already know. In the long run it makes life easier for everyone. Your kid's teachers will respect you a lot more for it. Let them eat dirt when they are 2. It'll teach them its gross and on top of that it'll strengthen their immune systems and they get sick less often in their lives. I never got the chicken pox even when my mom made me play with kids who had them. I survived pneumonia when I was only a few months old. I've never had the flu, I'm the only one at work that didn't get the flu or strep.

Trust me, just do it.... and Because I Say So.