BISS Lesson #1

Now, of the people I know that read this, I know that your not currently anywhere close to even trying to have kids. But for future references, I want you to take this very seriously because I refuse to be aunty to dumbass children.

So, here is Because I Say So Lesson #1: (I will have to come up with a witty name later)

Let me recount for you what happens when you don't teach your children, nieces/nephews, grand children, whatever, how to use their brains, use logic and common sense, how to be independent, seek out their own solutions and make their own discoveries and sometimes even if you overprotect them and don't let them learn from some of their own mistakes (within reason).

Your three year old will cry about everything! She forgets she put her dolly under her blanket and she will start crying uncontrollably to the point she can't breath properly because she lost it and can't find it and you will not understand what she wants for a good 2 minutes. When you figure out what she wants and show her its where she put it she will stop. All she had to do was pick up her blanket....but she's too lazy and spoiled to do it herself and instead will cry like she just got kicked in the face. She will cry about everything from her empty lunch box is too heavy to put in her cubby to she dropped her pillow by her feet to one piece of lettuce has a drop of dressing on it. Everything is the fucking end of the world. And no matter how many times her teacher tells her that there is no reason to cry like that because she is not hurt...it will still happen again 5 minutes later with something else. FYI this is NOT normal behavior for a 3 year old. They normally will yank things from you because they insist on doing it themselves, because they like it their way.

Your 13 year old will believe anything someone tells her. Examples:

Easter:

Sister #3: ooo what's that in the oven, it looks good.

Mom: What does it look like?

Sister #3: It looks like a dinosaur chicken leg.

Mom: hahaha yep thats exactly what is.

Sister #3: Really? I've never had dinosaur chicken leg before!

Me: What's going on here? Oooo that looks good!

Mom: Right? isn't dinosaur chicken leg good?

Me: (confused at first but catching on) hahaha yep I love dinosaur chicken leg, that's why I love Easter.

Sister #3: So we can only eat it on Easter? Cool! So now I can tell all my friends I've had dinosaur chicken leg.

Mom: Yep, tell ALLLLLLL your friends.

Sister #1: huh?

Me: We're having dinosaur chicken leg for lunch.

Sister #1: (catching on) Awesome!

Sister #2 to sister #3: What are you stupid?! Dinosaur chicken legs don't exist!

Sister #3: They don't? Then what is that?

Mom: It's leg of lamb. Have you ever heard of a dinosaur chicken leg before?

Sister #3: Well, how am I supposed to know!?!?

O and she still die-hardedly believes the easter bunny, Santa, and tooth fairy exist. She one time forgot her sister was her sister.

Today in the car:

Sister #3: When's your birthday?

Mom: August 32nd

Sister #3: Ooo. OK! Now I know everyone's birthday.

Brother: (laughing)

Sister #3: Why is he laughing?

Mom: When's my birthday?

Sister #3: August 32nd.

Mom: And how many days are in August?

Sister #3: 32.

Brother: (laughs some more)

Mom: Ok, when is New Year's?

Sister #3: January 1st.

Mom: So, when is New Year's Eve?

Sister #3: December 26th.

Mom: When we get home your going to study a calendar and tell me how many days there are in each month.

The worst part of this is we make fun of my sister's stupidity A LOT! We can't even tell anymore when she is legit dumb or when she's just acting like it to try to be funny, especially since she laughs when we laugh at things she says and then she asks "what?! :)". But today my mom came to the conclusion that the girl legitimately doesn't know some things. Granted my sisters are my step sisters. So they were not raised in my family and joined it 5 years ago. So her conditioned behavior is all thanks to her mother and everyone else in that family. When my mom asked her why she didn't know this information all these years she says no one told her and she never paid attention. Ever since they joined my family, it was like having to teach her everything as if she was an infant. As a 7 year old, she thought eating spaghetti with her hands and getting sauce all over her face, up her nose, in her hair was cute and proper behavior for her age. My preschoolers have more etiquette than she did (and sometimes still does)!! Everyday is something new and its just baffling to us.

Anyway, this is what happens when you make a child's life easy because its easier for you and you just end up enabling their lazy behavior. Folks, read to your children as often as possible. They will learn to enjoy it and it will become a norm for them as they get older and therefore will become wiser. Encourage them to learn things for themselves and help them make discoveries. Explain how what they just learned relates to something else they already know. In the long run it makes life easier for everyone. Your kid's teachers will respect you a lot more for it. Let them eat dirt when they are 2. It'll teach them its gross and on top of that it'll strengthen their immune systems and they get sick less often in their lives. I never got the chicken pox even when my mom made me play with kids who had them. I survived pneumonia when I was only a few months old. I've never had the flu, I'm the only one at work that didn't get the flu or strep.

Trust me, just do it.... and Because I Say So.

Super 8 and stuff

Tonight I went to watch Super 8. It definitely wasn't what I expected. I thought it was going to be a really stupid alien thriller and that I wouldn't enjoy it...even though all Steven Spielberg movies are great. Instead it was hilarious!! And not at all a thriller. Did involve an alien though. It arouse many emotions. I laughed, if I was a complete sap I would have cried, I was in suspense, I was grossed out. It was good. If your looking for a movie to watch with the family, I'd recommend this one.

At work today, we transitioned into summer camp. It was a good day because it was ultimately enjoyable and I didn't feel the urge to smack a kid. Not even when one of the new 3 year olds repeatedly punched me in the face when I was trying to keep him from running down the hall. It was understandable because I had just gotten to work and he had no clue who I was. I didn't even feel the urge when I was the only teacher in the room with 12 todds and one of the twins was attached at my hip all afternoon and refused to go to the bathroom without me so he ended up peeing on the floor. Like, he knew all the other teachers in the other room and I couldn't leave the other kids alone, I don't know what his deal was. But it was good because I wasn't bored, I had air conditioning, they all napped so I did nothing for 2 hours, we had water balloons (3 year olds really don't understand the concept of water balloon toss; one cried when it broke by her feet, I laughed so hard), there was free food from the parents, and I was so occupied all afternoon with rearranging the sign in/out book that 98% of the responsibility for watching the kids was on the other aide in the room. No stress on me, it was great. Nice change from the typical Terrible Tuesday as I like to call it.

I'm a rare breed

Friday, I went to Hoboken to see some friends and party. I don't think I will ever drive into that city again, I'll just park at my godmother's and take the train in. The bars were a little boring just because there wasn't a lot of people and I don't like house music. I guess I'm more of a club type person, I have a lot of energy to burn. But it was a really good time with the girls and I can't wait to do it again.

Earlier I received 3 texts in a row from CBG and then a call. Just when I thought he's given up and I'm in the clear, ugh. I contemplated for a while whether to read the texts or not because I didn't want to get all pissed off again or be tempted to respond to try to put him in his place. Well, I drunkenly decided to read the texts. He said he doesn't care about our "falling out" and that I should go over this weekend. Really? He acts like I'm the one that did something wrong and he's forgiving me and gotten over it. He's such an idiot. He's the one that did a lot wrong even when he promised to not do it again time and time again, so of course it doesn't bother him. He's put me through enough abuse, I'm not trying to put up with that again. And yeah, like I'm going to completely rearrange my plans just to go see him after I haven't spoke to him in... I don't even know how long anymore (almost 2 months?). It's obvious what he wants and I don't care. Point is, I'm proud of myself for reading the texts and having no emotions in response to it. I just kinda went "ha" and that was it.

I'm such a guy. I don't deal with this clingy/needy crap. I feel like guys got so used to girls always being clingy and needing a lot of attention that when they find one that isn't like that, they don't know what to do and adopt the "female" role. They should embrace it and take the opportunity to still enjoy their lives while they can and be happy to have a girl who is letting them be free yet still have someone to "go home to". Where's that guy?

TFLN WOWs

So I haven't been on the texts from last night site in quit some time...because it got boring. Well, I got bored and ended up on the site the other day. Went again today and decided I want to share my 2cents with some of these texts.

(772): You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list. Wow, they are hardcore! Makes me rethink my sexual bucket list, but that seems risky.

(202): You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
(1-202): Thanks, mom. That mom is just AWESOME. Way to kick them while they're down.

(516): nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex That's outside your comfort zone, really? What does a girl have to do to get them to choke harder?!

(732): Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra? Oooo, kinky! Keepin' it classy Jersey!

(334): thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week Is it as much fun as being asked for a threesome 4 times by 4 different guys in one week?

(330): I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned. Sounds like it was worth the near death experience to this girl. Sounds slippery and dangerous to me.

(206): My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in. I say that's how you dress for success.

(502): dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk. So do a lot of other people, myself probably included. Thank you Pavlov and classical conditioning.

(434): i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister. Yeah, that makes things weird.

(732): I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs Yeah, Jersey!! Thumbs up.

(313): I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6. Yeah, me too...

(518): They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower That sounds like something that would happen to me, peach mimosas sound good.

(440): im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology. I'm doing that for now on...but wouldn't that cause you to flinch every time you see a penis and fear it afterwards? Not gonna risk it.

(201): I'm just concerned it''s gonna end up in my vagina again I'm sooo sure this one is mine!!! I swear I've said this before to someone in reference to CBG but can't remember who.

Jersey for the win!

It's the best season for MOVIES!!

Anybody else super gung ho about the movies coming out this summer or is it just me?! I saw Fast Five with my momma and brother on Mother's Day and it was phenom and the trailers for upcoming movies got me really excited. What adds to this excitement? Free movie tuesdays and going with one of the guys I lived next door to in college because I miss him and he's a fancy NYU law student now so I haven't seen him since last summer (except rutgersfest but whose sober on that day?....and people got shot).

Summer Movie Itinerary so far:

Hangover 2
X-Men First Class
Thor - not really excited about
Bad Teacher
Transformers Dark of the Moon

And maybe I can talk him into watching the last Harry Potter with me and a chick flick or 2 like Friends with Benefits, or The Change-Up oh and Final Destination 5 if it looks good.