BISS Lesson #1

Now, of the people I know that read this, I know that your not currently anywhere close to even trying to have kids. But for future references, I want you to take this very seriously because I refuse to be aunty to dumbass children.

So, here is Because I Say So Lesson #1: (I will have to come up with a witty name later)

Let me recount for you what happens when you don't teach your children, nieces/nephews, grand children, whatever, how to use their brains, use logic and common sense, how to be independent, seek out their own solutions and make their own discoveries and sometimes even if you overprotect them and don't let them learn from some of their own mistakes (within reason).

Your three year old will cry about everything! She forgets she put her dolly under her blanket and she will start crying uncontrollably to the point she can't breath properly because she lost it and can't find it and you will not understand what she wants for a good 2 minutes. When you figure out what she wants and show her its where she put it she will stop. All she had to do was pick up her blanket....but she's too lazy and spoiled to do it herself and instead will cry like she just got kicked in the face. She will cry about everything from her empty lunch box is too heavy to put in her cubby to she dropped her pillow by her feet to one piece of lettuce has a drop of dressing on it. Everything is the fucking end of the world. And no matter how many times her teacher tells her that there is no reason to cry like that because she is not hurt...it will still happen again 5 minutes later with something else. FYI this is NOT normal behavior for a 3 year old. They normally will yank things from you because they insist on doing it themselves, because they like it their way.

Your 13 year old will believe anything someone tells her. Examples:

Easter:

Sister #3: ooo what's that in the oven, it looks good.

Mom: What does it look like?

Sister #3: It looks like a dinosaur chicken leg.

Mom: hahaha yep thats exactly what is.

Sister #3: Really? I've never had dinosaur chicken leg before!

Me: What's going on here? Oooo that looks good!

Mom: Right? isn't dinosaur chicken leg good?

Me: (confused at first but catching on) hahaha yep I love dinosaur chicken leg, that's why I love Easter.

Sister #3: So we can only eat it on Easter? Cool! So now I can tell all my friends I've had dinosaur chicken leg.

Mom: Yep, tell ALLLLLLL your friends.

Sister #1: huh?

Me: We're having dinosaur chicken leg for lunch.

Sister #1: (catching on) Awesome!

Sister #2 to sister #3: What are you stupid?! Dinosaur chicken legs don't exist!

Sister #3: They don't? Then what is that?

Mom: It's leg of lamb. Have you ever heard of a dinosaur chicken leg before?

Sister #3: Well, how am I supposed to know!?!?

O and she still die-hardedly believes the easter bunny, Santa, and tooth fairy exist. She one time forgot her sister was her sister.

Today in the car:

Sister #3: When's your birthday?

Mom: August 32nd

Sister #3: Ooo. OK! Now I know everyone's birthday.

Brother: (laughing)

Sister #3: Why is he laughing?

Mom: When's my birthday?

Sister #3: August 32nd.

Mom: And how many days are in August?

Sister #3: 32.

Brother: (laughs some more)

Mom: Ok, when is New Year's?

Sister #3: January 1st.

Mom: So, when is New Year's Eve?

Sister #3: December 26th.

Mom: When we get home your going to study a calendar and tell me how many days there are in each month.

The worst part of this is we make fun of my sister's stupidity A LOT! We can't even tell anymore when she is legit dumb or when she's just acting like it to try to be funny, especially since she laughs when we laugh at things she says and then she asks "what?! :)". But today my mom came to the conclusion that the girl legitimately doesn't know some things. Granted my sisters are my step sisters. So they were not raised in my family and joined it 5 years ago. So her conditioned behavior is all thanks to her mother and everyone else in that family. When my mom asked her why she didn't know this information all these years she says no one told her and she never paid attention. Ever since they joined my family, it was like having to teach her everything as if she was an infant. As a 7 year old, she thought eating spaghetti with her hands and getting sauce all over her face, up her nose, in her hair was cute and proper behavior for her age. My preschoolers have more etiquette than she did (and sometimes still does)!! Everyday is something new and its just baffling to us.

Anyway, this is what happens when you make a child's life easy because its easier for you and you just end up enabling their lazy behavior. Folks, read to your children as often as possible. They will learn to enjoy it and it will become a norm for them as they get older and therefore will become wiser. Encourage them to learn things for themselves and help them make discoveries. Explain how what they just learned relates to something else they already know. In the long run it makes life easier for everyone. Your kid's teachers will respect you a lot more for it. Let them eat dirt when they are 2. It'll teach them its gross and on top of that it'll strengthen their immune systems and they get sick less often in their lives. I never got the chicken pox even when my mom made me play with kids who had them. I survived pneumonia when I was only a few months old. I've never had the flu, I'm the only one at work that didn't get the flu or strep.

Trust me, just do it.... and Because I Say So.

Super 8 and stuff

Tonight I went to watch Super 8. It definitely wasn't what I expected. I thought it was going to be a really stupid alien thriller and that I wouldn't enjoy it...even though all Steven Spielberg movies are great. Instead it was hilarious!! And not at all a thriller. Did involve an alien though. It arouse many emotions. I laughed, if I was a complete sap I would have cried, I was in suspense, I was grossed out. It was good. If your looking for a movie to watch with the family, I'd recommend this one.

At work today, we transitioned into summer camp. It was a good day because it was ultimately enjoyable and I didn't feel the urge to smack a kid. Not even when one of the new 3 year olds repeatedly punched me in the face when I was trying to keep him from running down the hall. It was understandable because I had just gotten to work and he had no clue who I was. I didn't even feel the urge when I was the only teacher in the room with 12 todds and one of the twins was attached at my hip all afternoon and refused to go to the bathroom without me so he ended up peeing on the floor. Like, he knew all the other teachers in the other room and I couldn't leave the other kids alone, I don't know what his deal was. But it was good because I wasn't bored, I had air conditioning, they all napped so I did nothing for 2 hours, we had water balloons (3 year olds really don't understand the concept of water balloon toss; one cried when it broke by her feet, I laughed so hard), there was free food from the parents, and I was so occupied all afternoon with rearranging the sign in/out book that 98% of the responsibility for watching the kids was on the other aide in the room. No stress on me, it was great. Nice change from the typical Terrible Tuesday as I like to call it.

I'm a rare breed

Friday, I went to Hoboken to see some friends and party. I don't think I will ever drive into that city again, I'll just park at my godmother's and take the train in. The bars were a little boring just because there wasn't a lot of people and I don't like house music. I guess I'm more of a club type person, I have a lot of energy to burn. But it was a really good time with the girls and I can't wait to do it again.

Earlier I received 3 texts in a row from CBG and then a call. Just when I thought he's given up and I'm in the clear, ugh. I contemplated for a while whether to read the texts or not because I didn't want to get all pissed off again or be tempted to respond to try to put him in his place. Well, I drunkenly decided to read the texts. He said he doesn't care about our "falling out" and that I should go over this weekend. Really? He acts like I'm the one that did something wrong and he's forgiving me and gotten over it. He's such an idiot. He's the one that did a lot wrong even when he promised to not do it again time and time again, so of course it doesn't bother him. He's put me through enough abuse, I'm not trying to put up with that again. And yeah, like I'm going to completely rearrange my plans just to go see him after I haven't spoke to him in... I don't even know how long anymore (almost 2 months?). It's obvious what he wants and I don't care. Point is, I'm proud of myself for reading the texts and having no emotions in response to it. I just kinda went "ha" and that was it.

I'm such a guy. I don't deal with this clingy/needy crap. I feel like guys got so used to girls always being clingy and needing a lot of attention that when they find one that isn't like that, they don't know what to do and adopt the "female" role. They should embrace it and take the opportunity to still enjoy their lives while they can and be happy to have a girl who is letting them be free yet still have someone to "go home to". Where's that guy?

TFLN WOWs

So I haven't been on the texts from last night site in quit some time...because it got boring. Well, I got bored and ended up on the site the other day. Went again today and decided I want to share my 2cents with some of these texts.

(772): You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list. Wow, they are hardcore! Makes me rethink my sexual bucket list, but that seems risky.

(202): You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
(1-202): Thanks, mom. That mom is just AWESOME. Way to kick them while they're down.

(516): nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex That's outside your comfort zone, really? What does a girl have to do to get them to choke harder?!

(732): Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra? Oooo, kinky! Keepin' it classy Jersey!

(334): thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week Is it as much fun as being asked for a threesome 4 times by 4 different guys in one week?

(330): I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned. Sounds like it was worth the near death experience to this girl. Sounds slippery and dangerous to me.

(206): My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in. I say that's how you dress for success.

(502): dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk. So do a lot of other people, myself probably included. Thank you Pavlov and classical conditioning.

(434): i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister. Yeah, that makes things weird.

(732): I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs Yeah, Jersey!! Thumbs up.

(313): I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6. Yeah, me too...

(518): They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower That sounds like something that would happen to me, peach mimosas sound good.

(440): im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology. I'm doing that for now on...but wouldn't that cause you to flinch every time you see a penis and fear it afterwards? Not gonna risk it.

(201): I'm just concerned it''s gonna end up in my vagina again I'm sooo sure this one is mine!!! I swear I've said this before to someone in reference to CBG but can't remember who.

Jersey for the win!

It's the best season for MOVIES!!

Anybody else super gung ho about the movies coming out this summer or is it just me?! I saw Fast Five with my momma and brother on Mother's Day and it was phenom and the trailers for upcoming movies got me really excited. What adds to this excitement? Free movie tuesdays and going with one of the guys I lived next door to in college because I miss him and he's a fancy NYU law student now so I haven't seen him since last summer (except rutgersfest but whose sober on that day?....and people got shot).

Summer Movie Itinerary so far:

Hangover 2
X-Men First Class
Thor - not really excited about
Bad Teacher
Transformers Dark of the Moon

And maybe I can talk him into watching the last Harry Potter with me and a chick flick or 2 like Friends with Benefits, or The Change-Up oh and Final Destination 5 if it looks good.

MDW11

Friday - I went to  the bars with a friend from college and some new friends I met through her. The first 2 bars I had never been to before so I wanted to check them out and they were cool but they were pretty empty and lame that night, probably because most everybody went down the shore, so we left. The third, I had been to twice before and I'm sensing a pattern.

1. The first time was with the same girls and this lonely black guy found me (I really attract the black guys for some reason, I was recently told its probably because I'm exotic looking...I really think I just look white so I don't know) and he started dancing with me, talking to me, and buying me drinks. I wasn't into him but whatever I thought I'd have my fun and then I didn't know how to decline giving him my number, yeah I'm horrible at rejecting guys. He called me the next day, I ignored it, and that was that, he never called again (some boys know how to take a hint).
2. The second time I met up with my cousin and her friends there and I spotted him and made sure to avoid him. But they wanted to get a look at him so I pointed him out and they walked right by him. On their way back, he grabs my cousin and asks her name and tries to start talking to her. When she told me, I thought it was just hilarious and clearly he has a type.
3. The third time, friday, I saw him again!! Really? Does he not go anywhere else? So I'm with the girls and were dancing and he and his friend come up to us. His friend starts dancing with me and he starts dancing with my friend (who also is of similar build and look to me). Again, I'm cracking up in my head and I'm absolutely dumbfounded. So I ask her to get his name because I had forgotten it and just wanted to make sure it wasn't someone else but I knew it was a corny name and sure enough it was him. His friend tells me he'll be right back and I think "ok good, no he won't thats just what they say". But the lights turned on as he's walking away and I figured we'd book it out of there. He turns around and starts following me like a puppy to get my number!! So, I ask the other girl that attracted my original guy to quickly make up a number for me to give this guy because I suck at lying and wanted to make the first 6 numbers realistic and local. That was that.

Saturday - I was invited to a small, low key bbq with the same girls. It was really nice and it was nice of the host (the girl that's similar to me) to have been so welcoming and for including me as a new friend since we only hung out twice and it was at the bar. At the bbq we all decided to go to the beach the next day. CBG called while I was there...he's called a few times still since I blogged about him and I'm still ignoring him. But when I get down, I feel like going to him for my "fun". I have to keep reminding myself that its more work then its worth and in the end its only going to add to my stress, anger, and w.e other negativity in my life and its just not necessary.

Sunday - Went down the shore close by to where I'll be going to school. It re-ignited my excitement to go to grad school and talking to the girls made me realize that my doubts were nothing to worry about because grad school is a big deal and I was chosen to attend and its not an opportunity that everyone that wants it actually gets and in the end its my license, experience, and character that's really going to matter in my field. There was a flea market which was cool. The beach wasn't crowded (unlike some other jersey beaches, I saw a picture of one beach that was so crowded that everyone was standing, CRAZY!!!). I don't get sunburn but I ended up getting slight sunburn on my back and butt which hurts a little but thats ok, it was a very relaxing day. These girls were absolutely hilarious and the topics of conversation were totally up my alley. I laughed so much, it was definitely needed.

Today - Nothing special. Had my sister take me on her bike trail. 3 miles. It was hilly. It was painful. It was exhausting. It was sweaty. It was nice when there was a breeze going downhill. I collapsed on the lawn when I got home. I should do it more often. Not looking forward to feeling the effects tomorrow.

It's a bittersweet symphony, that's life

Today I had an interview for the master of social work program at Monmouth University. Out of 5 schools I applied to only one asks for an interview. Understandable because my undergrad grades sucked. So for the past 2 or so weeks I've been nervous, skeptical, and nothing else has been on my mind. I prepared myself to answer any question, prepared questions to ask, researched my interviewer, reread my application personal statement and read every web page on the school's site.

So I get there and I'm a few minutes early. The campus is really nice. Way different from Rutgers though. Rutgers is a part of the city, there isn't really a clear distinction between the campus and residential area. Monmouth campus is gated and really small. Anyway, she greets me into her office and the first question she asks me is if I have any questions for her. It really caught me off guard because I didn't expect that and I thought "Damn, the interview is over before it even began!" Well, I asked her my questions and we got to talking and she asked me questions and it was nice. Until she got to the part about my grades. I knew that was the reason for my interview. So explained to her and she understood and agreed that my essay was very articulate which is opposite of my grades and the next thing I know she's telling me "well, I see your very composed and articulate and we're gonna accept you. You'll be getting a letter in the mail, its cutting close to the deadline though. The next class registration dates is june 1st...(more info on if I'm to accept)...there's 8 or 9 spots and one is yours if you want it" WTF?! It all took a while to sink in, I wasn't sure what I was hearing but I got outside and all I wanted to do was scream I was so excited...but I'm not crazy so I just walked tall and proud with a smile on my face....and updated fb on my bb.

So now I have a lot to do in a short period of time. Figure out numbers to apply for a loan, defer my current loans, find a place to live, figure out how I'm going to make sure I get the grades, register for classes, buy school supplies and clothes for my internships....I'm sure there's more.

All I ever wanted for the past 2 years was this moment and opportunity to do something with my life. I know I'll make a great social worker and make a difference in someone's life and its all I want. But I'm absolutely terrified I wont succeed at this school thing again, where has my faith in myself gone? Why did I lose it in college? I have tons of friends going to grad school for their stuff and it makes me think its what I should be doing too. But then theres other people who aren't doing the grad school thing and it makes me feel like maybe I shouldn't. Maybe those people know something I don't.

I got what I so badly wanted and now I'm scared.

I was never a fan of merry-go-rounds

UGH!! Crazy Black Guy texted me over the weekend, I knew he'd give in. He started a fight with me over something stupid RutgersFest weekend about a month ago. Usually he goes crazy on me through text of some sort but this time it was in person and I saw first hand how much of a child he still is. I mean he was pouting, crossing his arms, refused to look at me when I spoke, and couldn't make complete sentences. It was like dealing with one of the 4 year olds at work. Anyway, I decided I was done with the craziness and its just not worth dealing with anymore, no matter how great the one benefit was, so I never spoke to him afterwards.

Three weeks later (friday morning) he texts me, obviously because he wanted something. I didn't respond. He texted me again the next day and I didn't respond again. But then it was on my damn mind!! Should I text him back to see what he wants? Maybe he wants to apologize and make it up to me? But, he always does that, tells me he was wrong and immature and disrespectful and wont do it again...and then he does it again. Its like a merciless, too fast, never ending merry-go-round, makes a person dizzy and nauseated from the repetition. So, what's the point? I'm just gonna ignore him until he gets the picture and gives up. Maybe I should text him that I don't want to talk to or see him anymore and to leave me alone? But if I do that, it'll turn into a big thing because he'll keep explaining himself and/or cursing me out and because I don't put up with that, I'll keep having to respond with my constant need to put people like this in their place and/or fix them. Again, what's the point? Its a lose-lose situation.

I turned to 4 friends. BFF from hs, Filiguido (male friend I talk to a lot about guys and cars; no other relations), Mr. Discreet (male-friend I talk to a lot about serious stuff and guys; extent of relations - texting benefits...), and Houdini. 3 agree with me that with this particular person and his history and habits, it is better to ignore until he gets it. But Houdini (whom I have a history with and knows first hand what kind of girl I am when it comes to relations/relationships) said I have to be straight up with CBG. I understand why I should tell him how it is and its what I would do with any normal person, but he is just not a normal person. I mean he'd tell me to "eat a bowl of grenades for breakfast" when I'd tell him I wouldn't be in town that weekend. So my decision is to ignore until he forgets that way no body's nerves will be fueled...as much.

But this morning I got a call from "Private Number" I was going to answer but then a thought hit me. "What if its him and he just blocked his number? If its important they'll leave a message." No message. Now I'm wondering if it was him, what more kind of harassment am I going to have to deal with from him, as if I didn't already go through enough? (there's a long complicated backstory to that involving his ex-girlfriend). Could there be any other solutions? I'm so done with the crazy, on to the next one!!!

Well, my job just got a little less boring

My job. Well, I work with a bunch of women in a preschool/after school care center that is located in an elementary school. Its not really exciting, nothing exciting happens, everything revolves around the kids so there's easy days and not so easy days, and never time to gossip. No gossip is usually ideal because it causes nothing but drama and trouble and well, who really wants that? But in this case, I wish I had heard something sooner.

Turns out the reason one of the girls I worked with quit a couple months ago was because she could no longer put up with the big boss man sexually harassing her. I mean the man is married with children. She is happily married with children. And he has the nerve to pull her into the hallway one day during work hours and tell her he's in love with her (after all the other shit he did to her)!! Now, I don't know exactly what kind of sexual harassment was going on, but it affects the rest of the staff too. Like when Christmas bonuses went out, not everyone got the same amount. I understand if maybe someone who worked there longer got a bigger bonus and was based on merit or whatever. But this isn't the case. The people he's either slept with (gross!), had the hots for, was flirting with or whatever were the ones who got the bigger bonuses, significantly bigger.

Furthermore, theres speculation he's tailoring the books and embezzling money from the foundation. He talks down on his employers, curses them out, puts them against each other, instead of holding meetings so everyone is on the same page he plays everyone out and screws them over, he wants to run for mayor or whatever (fat chance!), when he ran for some council position there was news put out about him being a child molester (you run a goddamn daycare!!!). Its just a hot mess behind the scenes. My coworker that quit decided to sue him after receiving a threatening anonymous letter on his behalf, so I'm sure his campaign wont go over too well.

Its just awful because theres all these people who work under him and they feel trapped because even though he is emotionally and mentally evil and draining to them, they most likely wont have the benefits anywhere else that they have here. So he's got all this control over these women who don't see the benefit in standing up for themselves and exploiting him and he knows it and is taking advantage of it.

Thats not even the half of it!! I just hope whatever is in store for me down the road is worth it and that this man never tries to use me as his next prey, because lord knows hell hath no fury like a woman scorned (boy did he pick the wrong group of girls to be part of his staff this school year).

"WOW its sooo BIG!" that's what she said (aka me)

This weekend I went shopping!!!!

I was supposed to go to the Jersey Gardens outlet mall with my bff from high school but when I got to her house to pick her up she wasn't home yet from her previous night's shenanigans. Good thing I had JP with me so I didn't have to take on that mall alone. But I'm disappointed I didn't get to see my bff because its been a really long time since I've hung out with her and I made the trip so that I could. Next time.

So its been like 4 years since I've been to this mall and it felt like I was going back home. There were lots of changes to the mall too. Especially Forever21. They built a new one and it is HUGE!! I was very excited and felt like I went to heaven (everything was white, cream, and pastel colored at the entrance) I mean its no NYC Forever21 with 4 stories but I liked it so much better anyway. It was a lot more organized than all the other Forever21s I've been to so I was actually able to shop without getting a headache and giving up. Each line had its own section (theres a kids line!!) so it was like a bunch of stores in one.

If it weren't for the $150 I just spent on a new speed sensor, I would have bought so much more but I started to get my usual financial induced anxiety and lost momentum.

Here's what I bought:

Forever21 - 2 slouchy fitting tank tops with that lace/crochet stuff in the back, 1 without, and a cute zip up cinched waist blouse

Charlotte Russe - a floral A-line cinched waist dress that zips in the front top half, and a pinky/coral floral skirt

Bath & Body Works - 3 body sprays: Moonlight Path, Secret Wonderland, and the new (and amazing) Country Chic

Some beauty store in the mall - E.L.F. quad in Luxe (its got a really nice burgundy kind of color) and N.Y.C. lip gloss in Dusty Rose that I'm finding to be too grainy feeling from the gold specks and too gold but really pretty nonetheless.

Ulta (not in same mall) - ulta brand eyeshadow singles in Silk (an off white/champaign color) and Trendsetter (a kind of taupe). I got these because I have the E.L.F. Day 2 Night eyeshadow quad and found that the 2 lighter colors are perfect for a neutral everyday look for me (other neutrals are too muddy looking or invisible). So I wanted to find full sizes of those colors so I wouldn't have to buy a quad every couple months just for 2 colors (even though its only $1 but I figure it will be good to take with me for travel when I know I'll be going out and can use the darker colors to dramatize the look so I wanted to conserve the palette...its a really lovely versatile palette)

Next time....SHOES!!

"Don't bite the rubber, you'll put a hole in it"

So I had been thinking, I've always wanted to start a blog because of the crazy shit that ALWAYS happens to me but never had a name for it. Now that I just made up a random name, I don't have anything to talk about. The crazy stuff always happened because I was in college, living in a sorority house filled with 20 girls and had adult boys to play with. It is now almost an entire year after graduating and I have since moved back home, in a town I did not grow up in, so I don't have people I know close by and 4 boys turned into 2 over the summer, then into 3, then 1 and now 0 (which I'm calling a blessing because I've sooo had it with Crazy Black Guy). Disclaimer: "play" does not necessarily mean "sex". "I did not have sex with [all these men]!" (channeling Clinton right there). It can mean dirty texts, flirty looks, playful touches, etc. Anyway, so I thought "0 troublemaking boys, a fresh start, great timing to start the blog". Coincidence.

Woah there! Pump your brakes, not so fast! (you'll see what I did there)

The Mechanic. So I'll start from the beginning and make it as brief as possible. So about 6 weeks ago, I got in my car to go to work and it didn't work. I had to get it towed and ended up needing a new clutch. I didn't have a mechanic yet at the time but the tow guy took my car to a good one so I decided to stick with him. Anyway, I didn't actually see him until I picked up my car a few days later. A few weeks later I went out one night and started to overanalyze my steering wheel and thought something was terribly wrong and took it to the mechanic the next day. We rode around in it together and it was fine, I was just being paranoid and thinking too much. He joked that I just wanted an excuse to visit. I scheduled an oil change for the following monday morning since I needed one anyway. So I go in, get that done, pay for it (got a discounted price), and he starts making small talk with me. I tell him i work with kids and he shows me a picture of his 5 kids and asks for my number for babysitting. I give it to him seeing it as an opportunity to make some extra cash. I drive away and notice he drew smiley faces on the sticker for the next service date. Later that day, while I'm at work, I get a text. From The Mechanic. He was checking in to make sure the steering was still good and the clutch was still good. He also compliments me on how good I am with the clutch (he originally thought it blew because I was riding it, turned out not to be the case because I don't ride it). I respond by saying that its because I'm awesome. He said something along the lines of "you'll have to take me for a ride so I can be the judge of that myself" and when I mentioned I wish it had more horsepower he said "I can take care of that....I can have those tires burning rubber...I can do many things for that car...Keep in mind always check your fluids, next time you're here I'll show you how to do that". In between I said things like "that does't seem too good for the car...I'll keep that in mind...maybe, thanks".

A couple days ago my check engine light turned on and my speedometer stayed at 0mph even though I was driving...fast. So I text him to see if I can take the car to him in the morning before work. He jokes for me to bring him a coffee with milk, no sugar and not to forget the taylor ham, egg & cheese sandwich. I tease that the place by me is great and he says "be nice to your mechanic". I was only going to get the coffee but my friends both said I have to get the sandwich too, you have to be nice to your mechanic. FML. He was so excited when I showed up with coffee and food. He checks it, it needs a new speed sensor. I went in today for him to replace it. First thing he does is look at my chest, points, and pulls the old "whats this on your shirt...made you look" trick. What am I, 9? He says he's busy he'll call me to come back later and somewhere in there offers to get lunch. I laugh it off, chew on the cover of my phone to which he says "you like to bite things?" (in my head, "hehehe yep!") "Don't bite the rubber, you'll put a hole in it, that wouldn't be good." We agree I'll come back later so I leave, and come back later when he calls at 4...he's supposed to have closed at 2. So he fixes it, I wait, I go to pay (discounted!) and he starts a conversation with me again. School, work, grad apps, work, bars, drinking, beer...."lets go get shots" he says. Yeah. Again, I laugh it off, say "nah, I'm going home, got things to do". I get in the car, he calls me shorty because I have to move the seat and tells me "call me, text me, you got my number". Ha, ha, ha. I peel out...he texts me, tells me he's going to go for a ride on his bike...ok, that's nice, have fun.

And that's the story of The Mechanic...so far, minus some of his auto mechanic sexual innuendos. And I'm stuck and have to play along for the perks of having my car well taken care of for a decent price...I hate my friends (Filiguido and HS BFF) and their bad advice to play along that will only get me into trouble....you'll see.

Welcome to the series of twisted events that is my life.
Hopefully future posts wont be so long.