It's a bittersweet symphony, that's life

Today I had an interview for the master of social work program at Monmouth University. Out of 5 schools I applied to only one asks for an interview. Understandable because my undergrad grades sucked. So for the past 2 or so weeks I've been nervous, skeptical, and nothing else has been on my mind. I prepared myself to answer any question, prepared questions to ask, researched my interviewer, reread my application personal statement and read every web page on the school's site.

So I get there and I'm a few minutes early. The campus is really nice. Way different from Rutgers though. Rutgers is a part of the city, there isn't really a clear distinction between the campus and residential area. Monmouth campus is gated and really small. Anyway, she greets me into her office and the first question she asks me is if I have any questions for her. It really caught me off guard because I didn't expect that and I thought "Damn, the interview is over before it even began!" Well, I asked her my questions and we got to talking and she asked me questions and it was nice. Until she got to the part about my grades. I knew that was the reason for my interview. So explained to her and she understood and agreed that my essay was very articulate which is opposite of my grades and the next thing I know she's telling me "well, I see your very composed and articulate and we're gonna accept you. You'll be getting a letter in the mail, its cutting close to the deadline though. The next class registration dates is june 1st...(more info on if I'm to accept)...there's 8 or 9 spots and one is yours if you want it" WTF?! It all took a while to sink in, I wasn't sure what I was hearing but I got outside and all I wanted to do was scream I was so excited...but I'm not crazy so I just walked tall and proud with a smile on my face....and updated fb on my bb.

So now I have a lot to do in a short period of time. Figure out numbers to apply for a loan, defer my current loans, find a place to live, figure out how I'm going to make sure I get the grades, register for classes, buy school supplies and clothes for my internships....I'm sure there's more.

All I ever wanted for the past 2 years was this moment and opportunity to do something with my life. I know I'll make a great social worker and make a difference in someone's life and its all I want. But I'm absolutely terrified I wont succeed at this school thing again, where has my faith in myself gone? Why did I lose it in college? I have tons of friends going to grad school for their stuff and it makes me think its what I should be doing too. But then theres other people who aren't doing the grad school thing and it makes me feel like maybe I shouldn't. Maybe those people know something I don't.

I got what I so badly wanted and now I'm scared.