MDW11

Friday - I went to  the bars with a friend from college and some new friends I met through her. The first 2 bars I had never been to before so I wanted to check them out and they were cool but they were pretty empty and lame that night, probably because most everybody went down the shore, so we left. The third, I had been to twice before and I'm sensing a pattern.

1. The first time was with the same girls and this lonely black guy found me (I really attract the black guys for some reason, I was recently told its probably because I'm exotic looking...I really think I just look white so I don't know) and he started dancing with me, talking to me, and buying me drinks. I wasn't into him but whatever I thought I'd have my fun and then I didn't know how to decline giving him my number, yeah I'm horrible at rejecting guys. He called me the next day, I ignored it, and that was that, he never called again (some boys know how to take a hint).
2. The second time I met up with my cousin and her friends there and I spotted him and made sure to avoid him. But they wanted to get a look at him so I pointed him out and they walked right by him. On their way back, he grabs my cousin and asks her name and tries to start talking to her. When she told me, I thought it was just hilarious and clearly he has a type.
3. The third time, friday, I saw him again!! Really? Does he not go anywhere else? So I'm with the girls and were dancing and he and his friend come up to us. His friend starts dancing with me and he starts dancing with my friend (who also is of similar build and look to me). Again, I'm cracking up in my head and I'm absolutely dumbfounded. So I ask her to get his name because I had forgotten it and just wanted to make sure it wasn't someone else but I knew it was a corny name and sure enough it was him. His friend tells me he'll be right back and I think "ok good, no he won't thats just what they say". But the lights turned on as he's walking away and I figured we'd book it out of there. He turns around and starts following me like a puppy to get my number!! So, I ask the other girl that attracted my original guy to quickly make up a number for me to give this guy because I suck at lying and wanted to make the first 6 numbers realistic and local. That was that.

Saturday - I was invited to a small, low key bbq with the same girls. It was really nice and it was nice of the host (the girl that's similar to me) to have been so welcoming and for including me as a new friend since we only hung out twice and it was at the bar. At the bbq we all decided to go to the beach the next day. CBG called while I was there...he's called a few times still since I blogged about him and I'm still ignoring him. But when I get down, I feel like going to him for my "fun". I have to keep reminding myself that its more work then its worth and in the end its only going to add to my stress, anger, and w.e other negativity in my life and its just not necessary.

Sunday - Went down the shore close by to where I'll be going to school. It re-ignited my excitement to go to grad school and talking to the girls made me realize that my doubts were nothing to worry about because grad school is a big deal and I was chosen to attend and its not an opportunity that everyone that wants it actually gets and in the end its my license, experience, and character that's really going to matter in my field. There was a flea market which was cool. The beach wasn't crowded (unlike some other jersey beaches, I saw a picture of one beach that was so crowded that everyone was standing, CRAZY!!!). I don't get sunburn but I ended up getting slight sunburn on my back and butt which hurts a little but thats ok, it was a very relaxing day. These girls were absolutely hilarious and the topics of conversation were totally up my alley. I laughed so much, it was definitely needed.

Today - Nothing special. Had my sister take me on her bike trail. 3 miles. It was hilly. It was painful. It was exhausting. It was sweaty. It was nice when there was a breeze going downhill. I collapsed on the lawn when I got home. I should do it more often. Not looking forward to feeling the effects tomorrow.

It's a bittersweet symphony, that's life

Today I had an interview for the master of social work program at Monmouth University. Out of 5 schools I applied to only one asks for an interview. Understandable because my undergrad grades sucked. So for the past 2 or so weeks I've been nervous, skeptical, and nothing else has been on my mind. I prepared myself to answer any question, prepared questions to ask, researched my interviewer, reread my application personal statement and read every web page on the school's site.

So I get there and I'm a few minutes early. The campus is really nice. Way different from Rutgers though. Rutgers is a part of the city, there isn't really a clear distinction between the campus and residential area. Monmouth campus is gated and really small. Anyway, she greets me into her office and the first question she asks me is if I have any questions for her. It really caught me off guard because I didn't expect that and I thought "Damn, the interview is over before it even began!" Well, I asked her my questions and we got to talking and she asked me questions and it was nice. Until she got to the part about my grades. I knew that was the reason for my interview. So explained to her and she understood and agreed that my essay was very articulate which is opposite of my grades and the next thing I know she's telling me "well, I see your very composed and articulate and we're gonna accept you. You'll be getting a letter in the mail, its cutting close to the deadline though. The next class registration dates is june 1st...(more info on if I'm to accept)...there's 8 or 9 spots and one is yours if you want it" WTF?! It all took a while to sink in, I wasn't sure what I was hearing but I got outside and all I wanted to do was scream I was so excited...but I'm not crazy so I just walked tall and proud with a smile on my face....and updated fb on my bb.

So now I have a lot to do in a short period of time. Figure out numbers to apply for a loan, defer my current loans, find a place to live, figure out how I'm going to make sure I get the grades, register for classes, buy school supplies and clothes for my internships....I'm sure there's more.

All I ever wanted for the past 2 years was this moment and opportunity to do something with my life. I know I'll make a great social worker and make a difference in someone's life and its all I want. But I'm absolutely terrified I wont succeed at this school thing again, where has my faith in myself gone? Why did I lose it in college? I have tons of friends going to grad school for their stuff and it makes me think its what I should be doing too. But then theres other people who aren't doing the grad school thing and it makes me feel like maybe I shouldn't. Maybe those people know something I don't.

I got what I so badly wanted and now I'm scared.

I was never a fan of merry-go-rounds

UGH!! Crazy Black Guy texted me over the weekend, I knew he'd give in. He started a fight with me over something stupid RutgersFest weekend about a month ago. Usually he goes crazy on me through text of some sort but this time it was in person and I saw first hand how much of a child he still is. I mean he was pouting, crossing his arms, refused to look at me when I spoke, and couldn't make complete sentences. It was like dealing with one of the 4 year olds at work. Anyway, I decided I was done with the craziness and its just not worth dealing with anymore, no matter how great the one benefit was, so I never spoke to him afterwards.

Three weeks later (friday morning) he texts me, obviously because he wanted something. I didn't respond. He texted me again the next day and I didn't respond again. But then it was on my damn mind!! Should I text him back to see what he wants? Maybe he wants to apologize and make it up to me? But, he always does that, tells me he was wrong and immature and disrespectful and wont do it again...and then he does it again. Its like a merciless, too fast, never ending merry-go-round, makes a person dizzy and nauseated from the repetition. So, what's the point? I'm just gonna ignore him until he gets the picture and gives up. Maybe I should text him that I don't want to talk to or see him anymore and to leave me alone? But if I do that, it'll turn into a big thing because he'll keep explaining himself and/or cursing me out and because I don't put up with that, I'll keep having to respond with my constant need to put people like this in their place and/or fix them. Again, what's the point? Its a lose-lose situation.

I turned to 4 friends. BFF from hs, Filiguido (male friend I talk to a lot about guys and cars; no other relations), Mr. Discreet (male-friend I talk to a lot about serious stuff and guys; extent of relations - texting benefits...), and Houdini. 3 agree with me that with this particular person and his history and habits, it is better to ignore until he gets it. But Houdini (whom I have a history with and knows first hand what kind of girl I am when it comes to relations/relationships) said I have to be straight up with CBG. I understand why I should tell him how it is and its what I would do with any normal person, but he is just not a normal person. I mean he'd tell me to "eat a bowl of grenades for breakfast" when I'd tell him I wouldn't be in town that weekend. So my decision is to ignore until he forgets that way no body's nerves will be fueled...as much.

But this morning I got a call from "Private Number" I was going to answer but then a thought hit me. "What if its him and he just blocked his number? If its important they'll leave a message." No message. Now I'm wondering if it was him, what more kind of harassment am I going to have to deal with from him, as if I didn't already go through enough? (there's a long complicated backstory to that involving his ex-girlfriend). Could there be any other solutions? I'm so done with the crazy, on to the next one!!!

Well, my job just got a little less boring

My job. Well, I work with a bunch of women in a preschool/after school care center that is located in an elementary school. Its not really exciting, nothing exciting happens, everything revolves around the kids so there's easy days and not so easy days, and never time to gossip. No gossip is usually ideal because it causes nothing but drama and trouble and well, who really wants that? But in this case, I wish I had heard something sooner.

Turns out the reason one of the girls I worked with quit a couple months ago was because she could no longer put up with the big boss man sexually harassing her. I mean the man is married with children. She is happily married with children. And he has the nerve to pull her into the hallway one day during work hours and tell her he's in love with her (after all the other shit he did to her)!! Now, I don't know exactly what kind of sexual harassment was going on, but it affects the rest of the staff too. Like when Christmas bonuses went out, not everyone got the same amount. I understand if maybe someone who worked there longer got a bigger bonus and was based on merit or whatever. But this isn't the case. The people he's either slept with (gross!), had the hots for, was flirting with or whatever were the ones who got the bigger bonuses, significantly bigger.

Furthermore, theres speculation he's tailoring the books and embezzling money from the foundation. He talks down on his employers, curses them out, puts them against each other, instead of holding meetings so everyone is on the same page he plays everyone out and screws them over, he wants to run for mayor or whatever (fat chance!), when he ran for some council position there was news put out about him being a child molester (you run a goddamn daycare!!!). Its just a hot mess behind the scenes. My coworker that quit decided to sue him after receiving a threatening anonymous letter on his behalf, so I'm sure his campaign wont go over too well.

Its just awful because theres all these people who work under him and they feel trapped because even though he is emotionally and mentally evil and draining to them, they most likely wont have the benefits anywhere else that they have here. So he's got all this control over these women who don't see the benefit in standing up for themselves and exploiting him and he knows it and is taking advantage of it.

Thats not even the half of it!! I just hope whatever is in store for me down the road is worth it and that this man never tries to use me as his next prey, because lord knows hell hath no fury like a woman scorned (boy did he pick the wrong group of girls to be part of his staff this school year).

"WOW its sooo BIG!" that's what she said (aka me)

This weekend I went shopping!!!!

I was supposed to go to the Jersey Gardens outlet mall with my bff from high school but when I got to her house to pick her up she wasn't home yet from her previous night's shenanigans. Good thing I had JP with me so I didn't have to take on that mall alone. But I'm disappointed I didn't get to see my bff because its been a really long time since I've hung out with her and I made the trip so that I could. Next time.

So its been like 4 years since I've been to this mall and it felt like I was going back home. There were lots of changes to the mall too. Especially Forever21. They built a new one and it is HUGE!! I was very excited and felt like I went to heaven (everything was white, cream, and pastel colored at the entrance) I mean its no NYC Forever21 with 4 stories but I liked it so much better anyway. It was a lot more organized than all the other Forever21s I've been to so I was actually able to shop without getting a headache and giving up. Each line had its own section (theres a kids line!!) so it was like a bunch of stores in one.

If it weren't for the $150 I just spent on a new speed sensor, I would have bought so much more but I started to get my usual financial induced anxiety and lost momentum.

Here's what I bought:

Forever21 - 2 slouchy fitting tank tops with that lace/crochet stuff in the back, 1 without, and a cute zip up cinched waist blouse

Charlotte Russe - a floral A-line cinched waist dress that zips in the front top half, and a pinky/coral floral skirt

Bath & Body Works - 3 body sprays: Moonlight Path, Secret Wonderland, and the new (and amazing) Country Chic

Some beauty store in the mall - E.L.F. quad in Luxe (its got a really nice burgundy kind of color) and N.Y.C. lip gloss in Dusty Rose that I'm finding to be too grainy feeling from the gold specks and too gold but really pretty nonetheless.

Ulta (not in same mall) - ulta brand eyeshadow singles in Silk (an off white/champaign color) and Trendsetter (a kind of taupe). I got these because I have the E.L.F. Day 2 Night eyeshadow quad and found that the 2 lighter colors are perfect for a neutral everyday look for me (other neutrals are too muddy looking or invisible). So I wanted to find full sizes of those colors so I wouldn't have to buy a quad every couple months just for 2 colors (even though its only $1 but I figure it will be good to take with me for travel when I know I'll be going out and can use the darker colors to dramatize the look so I wanted to conserve the palette...its a really lovely versatile palette)

Next time....SHOES!!