"Don't bite the rubber, you'll put a hole in it"

So I had been thinking, I've always wanted to start a blog because of the crazy shit that ALWAYS happens to me but never had a name for it. Now that I just made up a random name, I don't have anything to talk about. The crazy stuff always happened because I was in college, living in a sorority house filled with 20 girls and had adult boys to play with. It is now almost an entire year after graduating and I have since moved back home, in a town I did not grow up in, so I don't have people I know close by and 4 boys turned into 2 over the summer, then into 3, then 1 and now 0 (which I'm calling a blessing because I've sooo had it with Crazy Black Guy). Disclaimer: "play" does not necessarily mean "sex". "I did not have sex with [all these men]!" (channeling Clinton right there). It can mean dirty texts, flirty looks, playful touches, etc. Anyway, so I thought "0 troublemaking boys, a fresh start, great timing to start the blog". Coincidence.

Woah there! Pump your brakes, not so fast! (you'll see what I did there)

The Mechanic. So I'll start from the beginning and make it as brief as possible. So about 6 weeks ago, I got in my car to go to work and it didn't work. I had to get it towed and ended up needing a new clutch. I didn't have a mechanic yet at the time but the tow guy took my car to a good one so I decided to stick with him. Anyway, I didn't actually see him until I picked up my car a few days later. A few weeks later I went out one night and started to overanalyze my steering wheel and thought something was terribly wrong and took it to the mechanic the next day. We rode around in it together and it was fine, I was just being paranoid and thinking too much. He joked that I just wanted an excuse to visit. I scheduled an oil change for the following monday morning since I needed one anyway. So I go in, get that done, pay for it (got a discounted price), and he starts making small talk with me. I tell him i work with kids and he shows me a picture of his 5 kids and asks for my number for babysitting. I give it to him seeing it as an opportunity to make some extra cash. I drive away and notice he drew smiley faces on the sticker for the next service date. Later that day, while I'm at work, I get a text. From The Mechanic. He was checking in to make sure the steering was still good and the clutch was still good. He also compliments me on how good I am with the clutch (he originally thought it blew because I was riding it, turned out not to be the case because I don't ride it). I respond by saying that its because I'm awesome. He said something along the lines of "you'll have to take me for a ride so I can be the judge of that myself" and when I mentioned I wish it had more horsepower he said "I can take care of that....I can have those tires burning rubber...I can do many things for that car...Keep in mind always check your fluids, next time you're here I'll show you how to do that". In between I said things like "that does't seem too good for the car...I'll keep that in mind...maybe, thanks".

A couple days ago my check engine light turned on and my speedometer stayed at 0mph even though I was driving...fast. So I text him to see if I can take the car to him in the morning before work. He jokes for me to bring him a coffee with milk, no sugar and not to forget the taylor ham, egg & cheese sandwich. I tease that the place by me is great and he says "be nice to your mechanic". I was only going to get the coffee but my friends both said I have to get the sandwich too, you have to be nice to your mechanic. FML. He was so excited when I showed up with coffee and food. He checks it, it needs a new speed sensor. I went in today for him to replace it. First thing he does is look at my chest, points, and pulls the old "whats this on your shirt...made you look" trick. What am I, 9? He says he's busy he'll call me to come back later and somewhere in there offers to get lunch. I laugh it off, chew on the cover of my phone to which he says "you like to bite things?" (in my head, "hehehe yep!") "Don't bite the rubber, you'll put a hole in it, that wouldn't be good." We agree I'll come back later so I leave, and come back later when he calls at 4...he's supposed to have closed at 2. So he fixes it, I wait, I go to pay (discounted!) and he starts a conversation with me again. School, work, grad apps, work, bars, drinking, beer...."lets go get shots" he says. Yeah. Again, I laugh it off, say "nah, I'm going home, got things to do". I get in the car, he calls me shorty because I have to move the seat and tells me "call me, text me, you got my number". Ha, ha, ha. I peel out...he texts me, tells me he's going to go for a ride on his bike...ok, that's nice, have fun.

And that's the story of The Mechanic...so far, minus some of his auto mechanic sexual innuendos. And I'm stuck and have to play along for the perks of having my car well taken care of for a decent price...I hate my friends (Filiguido and HS BFF) and their bad advice to play along that will only get me into trouble....you'll see.

Welcome to the series of twisted events that is my life.
Hopefully future posts wont be so long.